I haven't written in ages. Like, really written. I'm not a diary person, but I do write. Texts in their many different beautiful forms... I typically write "poetry" if we were to give it a definition, but to me they're just my own personal approaches to understanding myself, my surroundings and all these events that cripple or lift us up in life. And of course, those who left us seemingly unchanged. And I have to write, because without it I choke on my own thoughts, it's like trying to hold your breath for too long - you get dizzy and generally light-headed, which is rather unpleasant. So in a way, my texts are like excerpts from a diary, only, in a little more crypted, personalised form. The same goes for music - what am I without it? Who would I be?
I'm going through a phase of many feelings, many changes and many opportunities. I am also going through a phase which has left me a little numbed, because of all of these feelings, but some things haunt us, and some things positively surprise us - those are the things I particularly notice right now. And then there's the music. Music always moves me. A few days ago I came across this song. We've crossed paths before, but like with so many songs, there's times you hear, and times you really listen to them. And this time I listened, and I heard what I mean. I heard so much of what I am right now... That is usually the content of this blog. For the one who has read this expecting a conclusion or a point to be made, I am sorry to say, I have yet to figure that one out myself. But for someone who might have tried to understand me, or for people who are a bit crooked, trying to, like me, understand and discover themselves - the things that matter to me have become clearer lately.
It feels like, in this numbed, blurred vision I've had, I've been able to distinguish some contrasts lately, the things that are worth it, and the things that are not. And, as with focused pictures, us humans have a tendency to try and figure out the blurred areas, the desire to know the unknown. Well, to hell with that. In time, our visions might adjust - they might not, but the blurred areas have started to get uninteresting to me lately. All those things, not to mention all those people, we are trying to understand - they will either come out of the shades or remain unfocused. As long as they remain undecided, however, I will lay my attention on the distinguished pieces in the frame. There's just so much to learn from what you already have a picture of, because being able to see something clearly doesn't necessarily mean that you understand it.
I guess, what I'm trying to say is that I've realised that too much time is spent investigating and dissecting what does not wish to be understood, and too little time is spent developing the things that you already think you have - too little time is spent on the things that, when you put some effort into them, could really flourish into something no picture in the world could match. Basically; do not let fear of or frustration caused by the unknown restrict you from dicovering the possible. Greed gives little back.
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